He said to me, "Soph!"

"I was in the woods last night with my boyfriend Ernie, and he said to me 'Soph!',(he always called me Soph),he said to me 'Soph, these woods sure are dark. I sure wish I had a flash light'. I said to him, 'so do I, Ernie. You have been munching grass for the last ten minutes.'"

"I will never forget it, y'know. It was on the occasion of Ernie's eightieth birthday and in honor of the occasion he married a twenty year old girl. And he rang me up the very next day and he said to me 'Soph, Soph, I have just married myself a twenty year old girl, what do you think of that'. And I said to him, 'Ernie! When I am eighty years old I shall marry myself a twenty year old boy, and let me tell you something, Ernie - twenty goes into eighty a hell of a lot more than eighty goes into twenty.'"

"I was in bed last night with my boyfriend Ernie, and he said to me 'Soph, you got no tits and a tight box'. I said to him 'Ernie get off my back!'"

Sophie Tucker (13th January 1886 – 9th February 1966)

[Her jokes were made famous by Miss Bette Midler, of course!]