I couldn't have liked it more

Everyone with even a modicum of taste agrees that Noel Coward was one of the most talented entertainers this country ever produced - "The Master", indeed.

And so it was, a few weeks ago, that Madam Acarti and I were overjoyed to discover an free online revue [on a new service called stream.theatre] by way of a tribute to the man's life and work [apparently it would have been the centenary this year of his debut in London's West End, but who neds an excuse?], featuring an absolutely top-notch panoply of talented artists including such favourites as Sir Derek Jacobi, Dame Judi Dench, Stephen Fry, Alan Cumming, Dame Emma Thompson and Robert Lindsay, and several big names from British and American theatre including Kate Burton, Montego Glover, Cush Jumbo, Kristine Nielsen, Bebe Neuwirth, Julian Ovenden, Kate Royal, Giles Terera, Indira Varma, Josh James and Lia Williams.

The whole thing was, of course a major fundraiser by the Noël Coward Foundation on behalf of struggling players and workers whose income has been battered by the coronavirus pandemic that closed so many theatres and venues this year*.

Many and varied are the gems that this production includes - not least real-life married couple the gorgeous Julian and Kate singing A Room With A View (which was all the more poignant given the summer's lockdown), a beautiful rendition of If Love Were All by Mr Terera, real-life mother and son Lia and Josh acting a scene from The Vortex and Sir Derek's impish extracts from Noël's autobiographical The Boy Actor.

Speaking of mischief, Alan Cumming was a delight as ever with Me and the Girls, Robert Lindsay popping up here and there with witty Coward aphorisms provided a good linking thread, and Stephen Fry was the best choice of all to recite (rather than sing) the ultimate paean to a middle-aged widow's rediscovery of fun, courtesy of the mythical isle of Capri:

I'll sing you a song, it's not very long
It's moral may disconcert you
Of a mother and wife who for most of her life
Was famed for domestic virtue
She had two strapping daughters and a rather dull son
And a much duller husband who, at sixty-one
Elected to retire......and later on expire
Sing Halleluhua, heigh-nonny-no
Heigh-nonny-no, heigh-nonny-no
He joined the feathered choir

Having laid him to rest by special request
In a family mausoleum
As his widow repaired to the home they had shared
Her heart sang a gay TeDeum
And then in the middle of the funeral wake
While adding some liquor to the Tipsy Cake
She briskly cried "That's done,
My life's at last begun"
Sing Halleluhah, heigh-nonny-no
Heigh-nonny-no, heigh-nonny-no
"It's time I had some fun"
Today, though hardly a jolly day
At least has set me free
We'll all have a lovely holiday
On the Island of Capri

In a bar on the Piccola Marina
Life called to Mrs. Wentworth-Brewster
Fate beckoned her and introduced her
Into a rather queer, unfamiliar atmosphere
She'd just sit there, propping up the bar
Beside a fisherman who sang to a guitar
When accused of having gone too far
She merely cried "Funiculi, just fancy me, funicula"
When he bellowed "Que bella Signorina"
Sheer ecstasy at once produced a wild shriek
From Mrs. Wentworth-Brewster
Changing her whole demeanour
When both her daughters and her son said "Please come home, Mama"
She answered, rather bibulously "Who do you think you are?"
Nobody can afford to be so la-di-bloody-da
In a bar on the Piccola Marina

Every fisherman cried "Viva, viva and que ragazza
When she sat on the grand piazza
Everybody would rise
Every fisherman sighed "Viva, viva, que belle Inglese"
Someone even said "Whoops-a-daisy"
Which was quite a surprise

Each evening, with some light excuse and beaming with goodwill
She'd just slip into something loose and totter down the hill
To that bar on the Piccola Marina
Where love came to Mrs. Wentworth-Brewster
Hot flushes of delight suffused her
Right round the bend she went, picture her astonishment
Day in, day out, she would gad about
Because she felt she was no longer on the shelf
Night out, night in, knocking back the gin
She cried "Hurrah, Funiculi, funicula, funnic-yourself"

Just for fun, three young sailors from Messina
Bowed low to Mrs. Wentworth-Brewster
Said "Scusi", and abruptly goosed her
Then there was quite a scene
Her family in floods of tears cried "Leave these men, Mama"
She said, They,re just high-spirited, like all Italians are"
And most of them have a great deal more to offer than Papa
In a bar on the Piccola Marina!

However, quite rightly, the producers of this spectacular saved the very best till last...

...as none other than the iconic Dame Patricia Routledge was encouraged out of retirement and gave us the best interpretation of A Marvellous Party we have heard in a long while!

Our joy was further compounded when, a while after the broadcast had expired, I discovered that the entire thing is available on YouTube [not a publicly-searchable video, I might add].

And here, for your delectation, it is!

Noël Coward Foundation - A Marvellous Party

Utterly ravishing.

[*All donations gratefully received by Acting For Others (in the UK) and/or The Actors Fund (USA).]